never play flip cup with pint glasses
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
