1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
