I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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