Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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