It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
