Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
