somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
