On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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