just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
