I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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