I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
