Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
