is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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