We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
