This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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