my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
