yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
