i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
