I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
