Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
