In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
