it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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