Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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