its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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