the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
