I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
