So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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