ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're like the curious george of whores
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
