if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
