am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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