The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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