she was so not down for the gang bang
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
