i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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