remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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