I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
