Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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