The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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