I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
