Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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