I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
