I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
should my penis look like a turkey
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
