I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
