Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
