That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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