they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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