she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
