Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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