Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
