Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
