I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
