Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
